I was writing a dear friend today and reflecting on this site and some of the experiences I have had recently:
"...For the past two years, I have been a part of The Well, a discipleship-training school that has been teaching me how to be a better Christian, a missionary, and a true follower of Jesus Christ. I am so thankful for where God has placed me now. If it wasn't for God bringing me here, I would probably be dead by now. If it wasn't for God bringing me here, I would never have had the opportunity to contact you!
...we were encouraged by our leadership to start blogs, to share with our family and friends how we were doing in Atlanta. I began writing in March, and it was very exciting. But as I began to go on, it began much more difficult for me to write. I didn’t want to write about silly things, I wanted to let everyone into my experiences and share some of myself. But, this type of writing takes a certain level of vulnerability that I did not have. So, I began to fall off with my writing...
This blog to me is sort of like a journal. I can write about some of my thoughts and feelings. I never really thought about what it would be like when people actually started to read it. Well, to date, not too many people have read it. I’ve sent out emails to my family and friends and texted some people, but I think maybe two people have visited my blog.
This is okay with me, because I am not faced with the temptation of writing for an audience; it is just for God and for me..."
I have been on a lot of different blog sites recently, many of the people who write them being full-time bloggers. I wonder what that life must be like. Yes, it would be awesome to be able to support yourself by just writing about what you want to, but what do you do if no one wants to read your stuff?
When I first began this blog, I this wonderful dream of thousands of people coming to my site every day, hanging on my every word, waiting, mildly impatiently, for my next post. Well, that’s not what happened. So, when I didn’t see immediate results, should I have thrown in the towel?
Well, praise God I didn’t. I kept writing. I wrote to myself, to God, and to the audience that someday might read my words.
Then, something happened. It started becoming a very personal thing to me. I began thinking of all the things I want to write. All the thoughts and words I had in my head that I was too cautious to let escape. As all these ideas began coming to me, I began to write. I started to write about my past my feelings and current things in the world today that I don’t like. And as I began to write these things, I thought,
what if someone reads this? What if tomorrow thousands of people flood my page to hang on my every word, how would I feel? Would I
really be ready for the world to read my journal?
I decided “no”, and safely tucked away these entries as drafts. I look at them from time to time, waiting for a feeling of release. It hasn’t come yet.
“I don’t know what God is waiting for, but I am content to wait.”
But, God has been encouraging me lately, to live and enjoy my life. I enjoy writing, I enjoy sharing (to a certain extent), and I enjoy my blog.
One of many things that The Well and my leadership has shown me is the blessing of transparency, of sharing your life with others; bringing them closer to God through your life and seeing the real “you.” I have been fake pretty much my whole life; before now I would
never dreamed of someone seeing the real me. My own little experiences have shown me the great strength, humility and trust in God you have to have to do that. To lay your life out for others to see and be a part of; risking the chance of being hurt.
I am so thankful for Jesus, our ultimate example, who laid His whole life out for others to see! He is so humble and longsuffering, hanging naked on a cross while those He loved cheered and cursed Him.
What strength that must take to endure! Surely I can endure through a blog!
So, with God’s grace, I will continue to blog. I will not blog with the hopes of someone reading this, because it may never happen. I will not blog expecting others to be pleased or like what I have to say, because I really don’t care all that much.
I will blog for Jesus. I will blog to bless God. To write about, and post, what He puts on my heart to say. I will blog to be obedient to Him.
And if someone does happen to stumble across my site, then I hope that they are blessed, encouraged, convicted and changed by what I have to say.
But, if no one reads this, I am okay with that.
God, I give this blog to you. I pray that you will have Your way with it, that it will be everything that You want it to be. I ask you to continue to speak to me, guide me, and lead me so that I can do your will and be a blessing to the body of Christ. I thank you for Your love, Your mercy, and the grace to do what You want me to do.
I love you and I bless you. In Jesus Name, Amen.
